If you look at someone and the background they came from, you would never know the trauma and darkness they have experienced in their life until they shared that with you. My name is Brenna, and I’m going to share a little bit of my story.

My dad used to tell people I wasn’t his kid and treated me like such. Daily, he would jokingly say to me, “Whose kid are you?” But he really wasn’t joking. That affected my life growing up, and I just never really understood that until later in life.

I remember always being spanked and put in my room, where I would cry “I want mommy” over and over until I would also get in trouble for that. Mom was working when I would cry for her. My parents divorced when I was young.

When I was in middle school, my dad took us kids to Lake Okoboji, and on our last day there, he was arrested for child abuse and obstruction from calling 911. He hurt my sister and me, and then he took my phone because I said I was calling my mom and the cops. My sister and I walked to the lobby area and called 911 from there. My aunt drove seven hours to pick us up, and we just sat in the lobby the whole time. Other than the anger and rejection from my dad, I had a decent childhood.

Little did I know that when I was just a young girl, 13 years old, that this guy would come into my life and seem like the most amazing guy in the world. I was so young and naïve, and I yearned to be loved by a male figure because I didn’t get that from my dad. This guy had sought me out on Facebook, and he would message me and video chat me, and it seemed to me that he really cared, and we became very close. He would encourage me, motivate me, uplift me, and so much more. Long story short, he was always contacting me, making it seem as if he was checking in on me, making sure I was okay and giving me words of encouragement and all that good stuff. To me, we were best friends, and in all honesty, I loved him.

It was such a good friendship in my eyes, because later when I would start dating, I seemed to have a bad picker. I always ended up with the bad guys. I thought something must be wrong with me. I got pregnant at 18 and had my son, Judge, when I was 19. I was with his dad for about four years, but it was a very unhealthy relationship and I found myself sticking around. On the day I graduated from Southeastern Community College in 2015, with my respiratory degree, I went home and put an end to that relationship. I took the state board exams four times and failed all four times. I felt like such a failure.

I then turned to partying and hanging out with the wrong people. That got me into an awful relationship, which led to me taking a handful of a medication that I was prescribed for migraines but had an allergic reaction to. I didn’t intend to commit suicide; I just didn’t know what to do in the situation. I was being beaten like a crash dummy and guns were fired, so I was not thinking rationally. I was so scared and didn’t know what to do.

I woke up in the ICU, with my mom standing over me, after being on life support, and being so confused about where I was and what had happened. In that moment, I felt so ashamed and so guilty. That was in December of 2015. While I was in the hospital, I had my mom research treatment facilities far away because I was scared to go back home.

On January 3, 2016, I flew to Florida and went to treatment at Beaches Recovery.

After treatment, I was kidnapped (grabbed by two big guys and thrown in the backseat of a car and then held down and drugged with heroin, which I had never tried before). When I regained consciousness, I was very scared. I had no idea where I was, other than it was in the middle of nowhere on a gravel road in Florida.

These men were sex traffickers who drugged me with the intention of using my body for their profit. I had no idea what I was doing, and it was way out of my morals to be selling my body, so I wasn’t complying. This went on for a few months, and every day that I wasn’t compliant, I was severely beaten. This was something I was willing to endure rather than the alternative. This went on for a few months until I was held at gunpoint by both guys. From that day on, I just did what they wanted me to. I wasn’t willing to die.

During the five months that I was in the custody of those evil men, I lost every ounce of my identity. I didn’t know what I wanted anymore or who I was. I was extremely lost and completely broken. I felt so worthless and so disgusting. I felt like nobody would ever accept me if I ever said anything about what really happened, so I buried it all deep inside, which never did me any good. I was stuck in complete darkness for years—just merely existing. I just couldn’t see the light, even though I tried so hard. I felt like I’d never be worth anything in life. Nobody would ever love me; how could they?

While I was in captivity, I was watched constantly so that my captors could control every aspect of my life. One day, however, there was a short window of time when I realized I had the opportunity to escape—and I did! I ran out of the building and down the road, as hard as I could! While running along the road, someone was kind enough to pick me up, and I asked them to bring me to the airport. I borrowed someone’s phone and called my mom. I’m sure that blew her away, as she had no idea where I had been for the last five months. And needless to say, my mom was overjoyed to hear that I was still even alive. It was like a birthday present to her, as her birthday was just the day before. As I waited in the airport, she worked tirelessly to get identification for me and a ticket for an airplane ride home.

Fast forward to 2020. I was still in darkness living my own way. The guy I spoke about in the beginning called checking on me, and this, he offered to buy me a bus ticket to California, so I took it. He’d never stopped contacting me since I was 13. He knew me better than I even knew myself. I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving. Halfway to California, I called my mom. She wasn’t happy with my decision, but I don’t think I had done anything in years that would have made her proud.

As soon as I got to California, he picked me up and we went to a hotel. I slept while he went and bought me clothes and an iPhone. Little did I know that he was going to post me on escort websites. He was so good to me, and I felt so loved, but he was selling my body. It was nothing like when I was tortured, but I was scared of what would happen if I didn’t listen, so I just chose to cooperate. This was my life now. I was constantly going. I wouldn’t sleep for days, and when I did sleep, it was only for a very short time until someone called, and he would wake me up. I had no control of anything, but it seemed okay to me because I wasn’t being beaten or put down. I was treated like a princess with him.

We left California and flew to Texas, where I was arrested, but he came and bonded me out right away. He was my savior, or so I thought. He decided we would go to Arizona, so I ended up with warrants for the charges I got that night. I got arrested twice in Arizona for my Texas warrants. The second time I was arrested, he ended up getting arrested shortly after.

It was in the Maricopa County Jail, in the hole, all alone, with nothing but the Bible, when I started to open that book and read. In that moment, I felt peace that I was right where I needed to be. I had nothing but time to think. Jail is not a fun place to be, but you can make the most out of it, and that’s what I did. I was tired of just living aimlessly, merely just existing and not knowing who I was or what I was doing. I was reading the book of Proverbs and came across a verse (Prov. 3:5–8 NLT), which says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fearthe Lord and turn away from evil. Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones.” In that moment, I felt him speaking to me. Jail was his way of sitting me down to get my attention with no distractions.

Today, I look back and see all the signs God had shown me, but I didn’t trust them. I turned my back on God the day I was kidnapped. I was very angry with him and felt I didn’t need him because he let that happen to me. In reality, he was always there, and it made him angry too, but the thing about God is that he gives us free rein to make our own choices, and ultimately, we decide to either follow his will or our own will.

It’s hard for me to understand why God would allow those guys to do what they did, but I take comfort in knowing that on judgment day, they will have to answer to God for their evil actions. What I do know is that God never left my side, as I was in plenty of near fatal circumstances during that time, and he has pulled me out alive. If he wasn’t there with me, it’s guaranteed I wouldn’t be alive here today. I became fully focused on God.

I was offered probation in Arizona, but God was telling me not to take that, so I declined it and took one year in prison. I went to prison with my focus on God and to change myself. I knew if I didn’t change something, nothing would change. During my time there, I started reading the Bible. While doing so, God revealed to me that I couldn’t change myself; only he could change me! I also came to understand that Jesus is God and came to Earth, taking on human flesh, with the sole purpose of dying in my place, to pay the debt of my sins—something I could never do. It was during that time that I trusted Jesus Christ as my savior, placing my faith in him. My relationship with God became my priority, and he revealed to me what changes I needed to make as a follower of Jesus Christ.

When I was released from prison, on March 10, 2023, I went to a sober living residence, because I had 30 days of parole. The two women that ran the place were like angels sent from God. I did lots of counseling and emergency sit-downs with them, finally coming to the realization that this man who I thought was my savior was not a good man at all. I told them he was this great guy, but once I explained to them the escort part, they said, “Absolutely not! No good man would ever sell a women’s body if they truly cared about her. It doesn’t matter how good they are beyond that. That one act makes them evil, not good.” That is when I found out that ever since I was 13, I was being “groomed.” I had never heard that word before, but they explained it to me, and God revealed to me that what they were telling me was true and that those two women genuinely cared about me and my future.

On Good Friday of 2023, I took action. I crushed my phone because I needed to cut everyone out of my life if I really wanted change to happen. It took fully trusting in God to go through with that. I knew that if anyone in my phone was meant to be in my life that God would place them there in his timing, with or without my contacts or social media. I trusted in him fully and crushed my phone with a hammer until it was smoking. That was a huge weight lifted from me. It was a very powerful moment.

On April 12, 2023, those two women flew me to Dallas because I told them that I had made it this far and had no desire to turn back but I couldn’t go on doing the right thing with warrants. I needed to go take care of this. I turned myself in.

My parents bonded me out on June 9, 2023, and brought me home. That was all God. I never asked them to get me out, as I never expected them to. I knew God was working on me and that he would work it all out in his time, so I stayed positive through it all. When I finally got to my parents’ house, I was ready to find a church and support group.

I started going to Church and CR right away. During small group at CR, I shared how I had been accepted for job offers, only to be denied once they got my background check back. I was starting to feel defeated.

I wanted something to do other than sit at home, as I had no license. I had heard so many good things about Mona Ash, who runs the Bridges program, and I talked with her about that program. I needed to stay busy with beneficial things, so I wasn’t always thinking about how defeated I felt. I started Bridges, and Mona arranged for me to get into biblical counseling. I applied for it in June and had been waiting months, but when I told Mona, she made it happen and I was going within a couple weeks. At the same time, I started the Getting Ahead class in Bridges, I did end up landing a job. It was a lot for me to adapt to. Going from not being able to do anything to having all this stuff to do was overwhelming. I started to feel like I didn’t know why I was at Bridges—like I didn’t fit in. That was just the enemy trying to attack me, because the Lord revealed to me that two things are more valuable in life than anything else: loving God and loving others.

Even though I didn’t grow up in financial poverty, I still had a lot of trauma in my life. I was lost, broken, and trying to find myself. Because of my upbringing, I never wanted anyone to know the things that happened to me for fear of judgment.

I got my license back in January, and I graduated from Bridges in April. Graduating Bridges was a huge thing for me. It has helped me in so many ways.

I ended up losing that job when they had to close down the mall location, meaning they also had to cut employees. I cried about it, but I didn’t stay stuck there. I prayed to God about it, and I just felt his presence in that. I felt that he needed to shut that door for me because I wouldn’t have done it, and he had another door open for me if I was willing to walk through it. I didn’t let that job loss ruin me. I took it as an opportunity for something greater. I just knew God had a plan, and I asked that he show me what that plan was.

I completed my counseling around this time, and heard they were hiring for someone to clean the church and City Hope, so I sent my resume and prayed about that. I had been longing to work in our father’s house, and this was the perfect opportunity for me. I was hired for the position, and it has been the best and most cherished job I have ever had. I just had to be patient and wait on God in order for it to work out. Don’t ever give up.

I invite you if you haven’t yet to turn your life and will over to the Lord and to ask for forgiveness so that you may find your purpose in life. Doing so is the most amazing feeling. The Lord loves all of us, and he is always waiting for us to turn to him no matter what we have done. No sin is greater than another; he sees it all the same.

I have been clean and sober since July 3, 2022, and it’s only with God that I’m able to maintain that.

Here are some scriptures I’d like to end with, all from the New International Version:

• Psalms 139:1–2: You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
• Psalms 139:13–14: For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
• Psalms 139:23–24: Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I have to remind myself sometimes that God formed me, and he knows everything about me in my past, present and future. Life happens, and we go through hardships, and I know I catch myself trying to make my parents proud. I guess you would say, “I’m worrying about what they will think about certain things.” Right? Because I don’t want to disappoint them. It really should only matter what God thinks. He is the one I should live to please.

Romans 8:28 (NLT) says, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” I had a hard time believing that what I’ve been through could be used for anything good, but I do see a lot of good coming from it. I’m now able to bring awareness to others on a subject not normally talked about here. I have found healing and peace with my one and only true savior, Jesus Christ. I am also able to share the love of Jesus I’ve experienced with others. Without God, life is a hopeless end. With God, life is an endless hope. Thank you for letting me share with you.