A Journey from Darkness to Hope: Brenna’s Story
If you look at someone and their background, you might never know the trauma and challenges they have experienced until they share it with you. My name is Brenna, and I’m going to share a little bit of my story.
My dad used to jokingly say, “Whose child are you?” and imply I wasn’t his, which affected me deeply as I grew up, though I didn’t fully understand it until later in life. I remember often being disciplined and sent to my room, where I would cry “I want mommy” repeatedly, only to get into further trouble for it. Mom was working when I cried for her. My parents divorced when I was young.
When I was in middle school, my dad took us children to Lake Okoboji. On our last day there, he was arrested for child abuse and obstruction for preventing a 911 call. He harmed my sister and me, then took my phone because I said I was calling my mom and the police. My sister and I walked to the lobby and called 911 from there. My aunt drove seven hours to pick us up, and we waited in the lobby the whole time. Other than the anger and rejection from my dad, I had a decent childhood.
Little did I know that when I was just 13 years old, a person would come into my life and seem like the most amazing individual in the world. I was so young and naive, and I yearned to be loved by a male figure because I didn’t receive that from my dad. This person sought me out on Facebook, messaging and video chatting me. It seemed they truly cared, and we became very close. They would encourage, motivate, uplift me, and so much more. In short, they were always contacting me, making it seem as if they were checking in, ensuring I was okay, and offering words of encouragement. To me, we were best friends, and in all honesty, I loved them.
It was such a good friendship in my eyes, because later, when I started dating, I seemed to have poor judgment in choosing partners. I always ended up with unhealthy relationships. I thought something must be wrong with me. I became pregnant at 18 and had my son, Judge, when I was 19. I was with his father for about four years, but it was a very unhealthy relationship, and I found myself staying. On the day I graduated from Southeastern Community College in 2015, with my respiratory degree, I went home and ended that relationship. I took the state board exams four times and failed all four times. I felt like such a failure.
I then turned to partying and associating with unhealthy influences. That led me into a difficult relationship, which resulted in me taking a handful of a medication prescribed for migraines, but I had an allergic reaction. I didn’t intend to harm myself; I just didn’t know what to do in the situation. I was in a violent situation, and firearms were discharged, so I was not thinking rationally. I was so scared and didn’t know what to do.
I woke up in the ICU with my mom standing over me, after being on life support, and was confused about where I was and what had happened. In that moment, I felt so ashamed and guilty. That was in December 2015. While I was in the hospital, I had my mom research treatment facilities far away because I was afraid to go back home.
On January 3, 2016, I flew to Florida and went to treatment at Beaches Recovery.
After treatment, I was abducted (grabbed by two large individuals and forced into the backseat of a car, then restrained and drugged with heroin, which I had never tried before). When I regained consciousness, I was very scared. I had no idea where I was, other than it was in the middle of nowhere on a gravel road in Florida.
These individuals were human traffickers who drugged me with the intention of exploiting me. I had no idea what I was doing, and selling my body was far outside my morals, so I wasn’t complying. This went on for a few months, and every day that I wasn’t compliant, I was severely beaten. This was something I was willing to endure rather than the alternative. This continued for a few months until I was held at gunpoint by both individuals. From that day on, I just did what they wanted me to do. I wasn’t willing to die.
During the five months that I was held captive by those individuals, I lost every ounce of my identity. I didn’t know what I wanted anymore or who I was. I was extremely lost and completely broken. I felt so worthless and disgusting. I felt like nobody would ever accept me if I ever said anything about what really happened, so I buried it all deep inside, which never did me any good. I was stuck in complete darkness for years—just merely existing. I just couldn’t see the light, even though I tried so hard. I felt like I’d never be worth anything in life. Nobody would ever love me; how could they?
While I was in captivity, I was watched constantly so that my captors could control every aspect of my life. One day, however, there was a short window of time when I realized I had the opportunity to escape—and I did! I ran out of the building and down the road as fast as I could. While running along the road, someone was kind enough to pick me up, and I asked them to bring me to the airport. I borrowed someone’s phone and called my mom. I’m sure that surprised her, as she had no idea where I had been for the last five months. And needless to say, my mom was overjoyed to hear that I was still even alive. It was like a birthday present to her, as her birthday was just the day before. As I waited in the airport, she worked tirelessly to get identification for me and a ticket for a flight home.
Fast forward to 2020. I was still living in darkness, on my own terms. The person I spoke about in the beginning called, checking on me, and offered to buy me a bus ticket to California, so I took it. They had never stopped contacting me since I was 13. They knew me better than I even knew myself. I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving. Halfway to California, I called my mom. She wasn’t happy with my decision, but I don’t think I had done anything in years that would have made her proud.
As soon as I got to California, they picked me up, and we went to a hotel. I slept while they went and bought me clothes and an iPhone. Little did I know that they were going to post me on escort websites. They were so good to me, and I felt so loved, but they were exploiting me. It was nothing like when I was tortured, but I was scared of what would happen if I didn’t listen, so I just chose to cooperate. This was my life now. I was constantly on the move. I wouldn’t sleep for days, and when I did sleep, it was only for a very short time until someone called, and they would wake me up. I had no control of anything, but it seemed okay to me because I wasn’t being beaten or put down. I was treated well by them.
We left California and flew to Texas, where I was arrested, but they came and posted my bond right away. They were my savior, or so I thought. They decided we would go to Arizona, so I ended up with warrants for the charges I got that night. I was arrested twice in Arizona for my Texas warrants. The second time I was arrested, they ended up getting arrested shortly after.
It was in the Maricopa County Jail, in solitary confinement, all alone, with nothing but the Bible, when I started to open that book and read. In that moment, I felt peace that I was right where I needed to be. I had nothing but time to think. Jail is not a pleasant place to be, but you can make the most out of it, and that’s what I did. I was tired of just living aimlessly, merely existing, and not knowing who I was or what I was doing. I was reading the book of Proverbs and came across a verse (Prov. 3:5–8 NLT), which says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones.” In that moment, I felt Him speaking to me. Jail was His way of sitting me down to get my attention with no distractions.
Today, I look back and see all the signs God had shown me, but I didn’t trust them. I turned my back on God the day I was abducted. I was very angry with Him and felt I didn’t need Him because He let that happen to me. In reality, He was always there, and it made Him angry too. But the thing about God is that He gives us free will to make our own choices, and ultimately, we decide to either follow His will or our own will.
It’s hard for me to understand why God would allow those individuals to do what they did, but I take comfort in knowing that on judgment day, they will have to answer to God for their evil actions. What I do know is that God never left my side, as I was in plenty of near-fatal circumstances during that time, and He has pulled me out alive. If He wasn’t there with me, it’s guaranteed I wouldn’t be alive here today. I became fully focused on God.
I was offered probation in Arizona, but God was telling me not to take that, so I declined it and chose one year in prison. I went to prison with my focus on God and with the intention of changing myself. I knew if I didn’t change something, nothing would change. During my time there, I started reading the Bible. While doing so, God revealed to me that I couldn’t change myself; only He could change me! I also came to understand that Jesus is God and came to Earth, taking on human flesh, with the sole purpose of dying in my place, to pay the debt of my sins—something I could never do. It was during that time that I trusted Jesus Christ as my savior, placing my faith in Him. My relationship with God became my priority, and He revealed to me what changes I needed to make as a follower of Jesus Christ.
When I was released from prison, on March 10, 2023, I went to a sober living residence because I had 30 days of parole. The two women who ran the place were like angels sent from God. I did a lot of counseling and emergency sit-downs with them, finally coming to the realization that this person whom I thought was my savior was not a good person at all. I told them they were a great individual, but once I explained to them the exploitation part, they said, “Absolutely not! No good person would ever exploit another if they truly cared about them. It doesn’t matter how good they are beyond that. That one act makes them harmful, not good.” That is when I found out that ever since I was 13, I was being “groomed.” I had never heard that word before, but they explained it to me, and God revealed to me that what they were telling me was true and that those two women genuinely cared about me and my future.
On Good Friday of 2023, I took action. I destroyed my phone because I needed to cut everyone out of my life if I really wanted change to happen. It took fully trusting in God to go through with that. I knew that if anyone in my phone was meant to be in my life, God would place them there in His timing, with or without my contacts or social media. I trusted in Him fully and crushed my phone with a hammer until it was smoking. That was a huge weight lifted from me. It was a very powerful moment.
On April 12, 2023, those two women flew me to Dallas because I told them that I had made it this far and had no desire to turn back, but I couldn’t go on doing the right thing with warrants. I needed to go take care of this. I turned myself in.
My parents posted my bond on June 9, 2023, and brought me home. That was all God. I never asked them to get me out, as I never expected them to. I knew God was working on me and that He would work it all out in His time, so I stayed positive through it all. When I finally got to my parents’ house, I was ready to find a church and support group.
I started going to church and CR (Celebrate Recovery) right away. During a small group at CR, I shared how I had been accepted for job offers, only to be denied once they received my background check. I was starting to feel defeated.
I wanted something to do other than sit at home, as I had no driver’s license. I had heard so many good things about Mona Ash, who runs the Bridges program, and I spoke with her about that program. I needed to stay busy with beneficial things so I wasn’t always thinking about how defeated I felt. I started Bridges, and Mona arranged for me to get into biblical counseling. I had applied for it in June and had been waiting months, but when I told Mona, she made it happen, and I was attending within a couple of weeks. At the same time I started the Getting Ahead class in Bridges, I did end up landing a job. It was a lot for me to adapt to. Going from not being able to do anything to having all this stuff to do was overwhelming. I started to feel like I didn’t know why I was at Bridges—like I didn’t fit in. That was just the adversary trying to attack me, because the Lord revealed to me that two things are more valuable in life than anything else: loving God and loving others.
Even though I didn’t grow up in financial poverty, I still had a lot of trauma in my life. I was lost, broken, and trying to find myself. Because of my upbringing, I never wanted anyone to know the things that happened to me for fear of judgment.
I got my driver’s license back in January, and I graduated from Bridges in April. Graduating from Bridges was a huge accomplishment for me. It has helped me in so many ways.
I ended up losing that job when they had to close down the mall location, meaning they also had to cut employees. I cried about it, but I didn’t stay stuck there. I prayed to God about it, and I just felt His presence in that. I felt that He needed to close that door for me because I wouldn’t have done it myself, and He had another door open for me if I was willing to walk through it. I didn’t let that job loss ruin me. I took it as an opportunity for something greater. I just knew God had a plan, and I asked that He show me what that plan was.
I completed my counseling around this time, and heard they were hiring for someone to clean the church and City Hope, so I sent my resume and prayed about that. I had been longing to work in our Father’s house, and this was the perfect opportunity for me. I was hired for the position, and it has been the best and most cherished job I have ever had. I just had to be patient and wait on God in order for it to work out. Don’t ever give up.
I invite you, if you haven’t yet, to turn your life and will over to the Lord and to ask for forgiveness so that you may find your purpose in life. Doing so is the most amazing feeling. The Lord loves all of us, and He is always waiting for us to turn to Him no matter what we have done. No sin is greater than another; He sees it all the same.
I have been clean and sober since July 3, 2022, and it’s only with God that I’m able to maintain that.
Here are some scriptures I’d like to end with, all from the New International Version:
Psalms 139:1–2: You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
Psalms 139:13–14: For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalms 139:23–24: Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
I have to remind myself sometimes that God formed me, and He knows everything about me in my past, present, and future. Life happens, and we go through hardships, and I know I catch myself trying to make my parents proud. I guess you would say, “I’m worrying about what they will think about certain things.” Right? Because I don’t want to disappoint them. It really should only matter what God thinks. He is the one I should live to please.
Romans 8:28 (NLT): “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” I had a hard time believing that what I’ve been through could be used for anything good, but I do see a lot of good coming from it. I’m now able to bring awareness to others on a subject not normally talked about here. I have found healing and peace with my one and only true savior, Jesus Christ. I am also able to share the love of Jesus I’ve experienced with others. Without God, life is a hopeless end. With God, life is an endless hope. Thank you for letting me share with you.
